My Musical Autobiography

This piece of writing was taken from an assignment for one of my music therapy courses. My purpose is not to suggest that I am a famous artist who needs to boast his successes, but to inform those who are interested in my pursuit of music therapy of my rationale for choosing this unconventional career path. Upon hindsight, I seem to have based most of my life decisions on a few simple and well-known lines of poetry by Robert Frost:

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

In the Beginning

I was in grade 2 elementary school in Cornwall Ontario when I started my piano lessons. My teacher was Robert Miron, the man who would teach me for the next 9 years. I have done all my basic music training through him including piano, musicianship, theory and history of the Royal Conservatory of Music. However, it was not my idea to begin piano lessons in the first place. It was my mother who asked me if I’d be interested. My grandfather probably had something to do with the idea as well, because music had always been a part of his life and his brother Paul (‘Uncle’ Paul to me), had perfect pitch. Uncle Paul had no formal musical training but possessed an exceptional musical ear. He could learn any song he heard on the radio in the matter of minutes. He often brought his accordion and violin to family gatherings. Although I rarely saw him, I heard of him a lot, and every time I played a tune on the piano, his name would be mentioned.

I think it’s safe to say that my musicality comes from my mother’s side of the family. Obviously I must have taken my musical ear from Uncle Paul. I was told that I sang bass parts to O’ Canada at the age of 5. This sounds impressive to me, but I don’t remember that. What I do remember though is that from a young age I was fascinated by harmony and I would constantly experiment with sounds at the piano. I remember one of the first pieces I tried to reproduce by ear on my grandfather’s electric organ: it was In the Mood by Glen Miller, a song I keep hearing every once in a while even today.

My first piano experiences were from Berlin’s ABC piano books. I remember the old battered heavy upright piano in the school cafeteria. Robert would put a garbage bag full of catalogues on the piano bench so I could play at the level of the keyboard. I was a quick learner, and when he asked me to find all the C’s, I had already done that at home so I played them very quickly to impress him. I have always been eager to learn things.

I also remember my first official piano performance. It was an afternoon recital. I was probably 7 or 8 years old. I played a Bourree by J.S. Bach and O’ Christmas Tree. I did my first salute that afternoon. I was nervous, just like I still am today. Music was not the center of my life back then, for I can remember being more excited to go to my best friend’s place, Jacques, to play outside after the concert. Jacques is still my best friend today and now we incorporate a lot of musical discussion in our talks.

It would be worth mentioning that although my family recognized my talent for music, I was growing tired of practicing classical piano by the year I was doing my grade 5 of the Conservatory. I was so frustrated that I was contemplating the idea of quitting. Luckily, my teacher was flexible enough to try some popular music with me. This kept me at the piano and upon hindsight, I am extremely happy that I decided not to quit that year. That would have changed my life dramatically. Eventually I was lured back to classical music and completed my grade 10. My appreciation of it also increased considerably over the years.

A First Taste of Fame

Another great friend of mine is Mathieu Paul (no relation to Uncle Paul). If it wasn’t for our friendship, I don’t believe I’d be the same musician today, or if I’d be a musician at all. Mat is the kind of person who loved to create his own unique projects in his own unique way. He never liked to follow trends. And once he put his mind to something, he would see it through. In grade 4, we started a rap group with another boy. I was the primary rhythm keeper, using my voice as a drum kit. Mat was the group leader. Together we composed words and little musical riffs with our voices. Our raps eventually made their way to the stage for class concerts. One of them was even acted out as it was performed.

The next year, Mat and I would become popular in music class as we began to perform songs by Genesis and Phil Colins on the piano and drums. At this point Mat had no musical training, but soon he started his own piano and theory lessons with Robert, my piano teacher. Almost every Saturday, Mat and I would get together to play some music. Soon enough we began to compose our own music. I would bring my 600 dollar Kawai keyboard at his place and we combined it with Mat’s very own Radio Shack 2 octave 50 dollar keyboard. We would practice in his cold damp basement for hours, only stopping for a short lunch. Our style of music was influenced mostly by Genesis, Phil Colins and some popular 80s tunes. I was easily influenced by Mat’s strong character and despite our difference of opinions I often ended up agreeing to his musical ideas. Since I had musical training, I would be the one to express his ideas more clearly at the keyboard. He was the visionary, I was the articulator. This has always been the nature of our musical relationship, and to this day, I believe our strengths complement one another perfectly.

By grade 8, we were famous composers at our school. We composed a piece called Nightmare which was used for our class’s end of the year concert. This piece embodied all of our musical discoveries in terms of harmony, form and technique. We had also produced a homemade double-cassette album with our duet named, The Friends. The fame may have been on a small scale, but enjoyable nonetheless. Besides, it was not the last of our achievements together. High school had yet to come.

High School

High school was the best time of my life, especially the last three years. Jacques and I are both slightly reserved intellectuals. During our first year, we spent lots of time together. We were not quick at making new friends. However, we all had connections to some friends who were part of other circles. By grade 11, our group of friends extended to about 20, 7 of which were considered close. Grade 11 was also the year I found love, which meant that my time with Mat would be limited. Girls became temporarily more important.
During this period, I performed in the school play band for the high school annual play, Citashow. This grand project created many friendships and beautiful memories. I still remember the feeling of falling in love while being stressed out about meeting deadlines for art work, spending long hours after school and on weekends. It felt great giving the best of me for a shared purpose. Mat and I became musical leaders and composed themes that students whistled in the hallways for the rest of the year.

By this time we had been part of a group of students that Robert Miron taught. We considered ourselves a ‘musical’ family. We would be asked to play for any sort of occasion: ceremonies, mass, pep rallies, etc…Once again, it felt good to be known and to have a clear role as a student leader. A more personal project of mine was to compose a song for the 25th anniversary of the school. I composed the music and asked a good friend of mine to help me write the lyrics. Since my girlfriend sang, I asked her to sing it, naturally.

At the end of my final year, my love relationship came to an end. It was at the same time I was preparing my grade 10 piano examination. I needed time to focus on serious practicing. My music was also getting me gradually more involved in the community. I became a church organist at my parish. I made my first appearances on local television through concerts. I also played at numerous banquets and weddings. These events kept me engaged musically. At this point I felt I had no choice but to continue my studies in music after high school. For this I would have to go to the big city.

Montreal

I spent 6 years living in Montreal. My first year was an exciting but difficult one. It took me some time to adjust to my new found freedom. But with this freedom came hardships. I didn’t have my parents to help me out anymore, I didn’t have my friends, and outside of Cornwall, I wasn’t so famous. Most of my high school friends went to Ottawa University. I was the black sheep and decided to go to McGill. Despite being all alone in a big unfamiliar city, McGill was definitely the right place for my musical development. Later I realized that I had made the right sacrifice. Part of the reason that I felt down was that I needed emotional support from my piano teacher. At this point, I was struggling with my musical identity. I even questioned why I was pursuing music at all, for all I kept seeing were incredible musicians performing flawlessly, leaving people breathless. Even street performers in the metro could play better than me. Then I realized that for a long time my love of music had been depending on other people’s interests and opinions. I played for others hoping to impress them, and in turn I would receive praise. I wished my first piano teacher would have cared more, but he preferred reading his newspaper while I played my Beethoven Sonatas. What I needed was a new motive. I needed to find my own enjoyment of music, one that didn’t depend on the praise of others.

One night I was sitting at a table with some friends in a jazz bar called Biddles. Biddles is actually the name of the bass player who owns the restaurant. When I saw him play with his jazz quartet, the music resonated deeply inside me. I said to myself: “One day I will be up there playing jazz”. It was as though I knew that jazz was going to be my path from now on. I was 21 years old. That night, God must have spoken to me, because I am still playing jazz to this day.

The following year, I had a new piano teacher, Tom Plaunt. Tom was my last gas station before the highway, so to speak. He helped me change my attitude about myself. He taught me how to enjoy music-making again. He motivated his students. I would work my hardest for Tom. He also embraced the fact that I loved improvisation. He taught an improvisation class to non-jazz majors, which I was glad to be part of. Tom saw that it was self-confidence that I needed as a performer, and together we worked on that goal. In the end, it was improvisation and jazz that kept me at the keyboard. That’s where I felt I could best use my creativity, and for once, my love for it did not depend on the opinion of others.

During my time at McGill, I also enjoyed being part of choirs. At first, I was part of the large choir, then the chamber singers. I enjoyed learning a large variety of repertoire I had never been exposed to. I also experience the power of combined voices. One year, our choir director took us to Toronto for a CBC recording with 7 other choirs from around Canada. We recorded a few world premier compositions. Every year, we would also sing a large choral work at the St. John Baptist Church. Never had I imagined music being so intense, passionate and energetic. Choir kept me busy, but the times I spent singing are part of my most memorable experiences.

On a lighter side, I’ve enjoyed being part of two Gilbert and Sullivan productions. For two years I was part of the Savoy Society at McGill, which is a group of students who perform musicals. These projects were great not only for their artistic pleasantry but for the social life that came with them. Almost every Saturday became a night of debauchery with this group. It’s funny how art brings people together in friendship.

It would be worth noting one of my summer jobs. For two summers I was the music counselor at a fine arts day camp in Dollard des Ormeaux, just outside of Montreal. There I experienced the pleasure of doing music with children. Every Friday we would hold a concert where any one could prepare a song or improvise on the instruments. I noticed that the children loved to improvise and soon found out that music, of all the arts, was their favorite. It was then that I realized I enjoyed being a teacher and that working with children would be a challenge but also a highly rewarding career choice. My work at the fine arts camp foreshadowed my future decision to study music therapy. But before I pursued a stable career, I needed to truly become a performer.

Go West Young Man

I consider this time in my life to be my most musically proactive so far. I met a musician named Jason Lipstein who needed a keyboard player for a wedding band. For a while, we practiced together hoping to have some summer gigs. The band never took off but one of Jason’s plans was to play on a cruise ship. He’s the one who told me that an agency named Proships in Montreal was in charge of hiring musicians for Celebrity Cruises. I was completing my final year of the B.Mus program and was looking for a summer job. I went for a first audition to find out exactly what sorts of competencies were required for this type of position. It turned out that sight reading was a crucial skill, a skill I knew I needed to work on. I was a terrible sight reader, but my desire to be on a ship was so strong that I didn’t care what I had to do to succeed.

Immediately after failing the audition, I pulled out all of my earlier grades of the Conservatory and began to read through them. I took out all of the Gilbert and Sullivan scores the library had and all the fake books I could get my hands on. I was determined to leave Canada and watch the sunsets at sea. At the same time I worked hard to assimilate the language of jazz. So I listened carefully to Oscar Peterson, Wynton Kelly, Bill Evans, Miles Davis and all of the jazz greats, and transcribed their solos. I was thinking about jazz and cruise ships 24 hours a day. It was a great time in my life because I had a purpose and a clear goal in mind.

When I finished school I taught piano privately at the Montreal Academy of Music. I would travel all over the island to student’s homes and in between lessons I would be at the piano working on my objectives, sometimes playing for more than 5 hours a day. I enjoyed the extra time I had to focus on my performance skills. It was a time to be with myself, alone in the workshop. At the end of the year, I did a second audition at the agency. I failed the audition, but I didn’t let it get to me. I had worked really hard up to now and I knew it was just a matter of time before I succeeded.

In September I met a singer named Martina who was interested in preparing entertainment material to play in hotels. I decided I would not rely on cruise ships this time for a summer job. The agency to which we gave our demo was not in any hurry to give us work, and in the end Martina and I were very stressed about the possibility of not getting any contract for the summer. So I decided to do a third audition at Proships, this time not expecting any results. It’s funny how things change when you least expect it. I almost did not believe them when they said that I did a fantastic audition and that they’d get me a contract in the matter of a few weeks. As a matter of fact, they called me back later that week to offer me a first contract aboard the Summit, the biggest and newest ship of the Celebrity Cruises fleet Another surprise was that the ship’s itinerary was en route to Alaska from Vancouver! I was flabbergasted, for never had I felt to this extent the rush of excitement, of adventure, of passion, of a dream come true! This event brought me a very important truth. It was that I could achieve all of my dreams through the power of intention. All I had to do was keep my eye on the ball and the ball would come to me. Now I understood the true meaning of meditation and prayer, and since then I have kept up the practice.

I did two contracts with Celebrity Cruises, but while I was enjoying performing all styles of music with a solid band, I started to think about my future career. I knew in my heart that a life aboard cruise ships was not one I would pursue indefinitely, for it lacked stability. The community of workers kept changing as contracts came and went. Plus, I was away from my family and friends for very long periods of time. I knew that I was a teacher at heart and that would be an acceptable career choice. However, in the mean time my curiosity about the link between psychology, health and music became overwhelming, and I knew that if I didn’t satisfy it I would regret it.

The Music of the Spheres

I came across the book, Music: Physician for Times to Come, edited by Don Campbell, which is a collection of essays on the power of music and its potential to heal. At the time I had been reading many books dealing with the mind-body connection along with psychology and health related books. I was also beginning to make the connection between my own experiences in music and their psychological benefits. I realized how music made me more self-aware and introspective. It also promoted focus and emotional expression.

All this time, the thought of music therapy kept turning inside my head. To pursue this path was a rather difficult decision to make because, firstly, I didn’t know too much about it and it seemed a bit avant-garde. Secondly, I knew I wouldn’t get much support from my family or friends because they didn’t know anything about it, and I doubted that anyone paid much attention to the nature of the self and the holistic perspective of health. After all, it is not the most tangible concept! I knew that many would think I was out of my mind to study another one of those ‘pseudo-scientific’ forms of healing. This pursuit was a personal one, but with courage I dove into the dark and committed myself to the graduate music therapy program at Laurier University.

In September last year, I realized that this program was perfect for me. Since I loved improvisation so much, I was thrilled to find out that it would become part of my day job. I also saw the parallel between my experiences at the fine arts camp and the group activities of music therapy in the schools. The more I found out about music therapy and the school’s music-centered philosophy, the more I became confident I had made another good decision. Sometimes, I think I’m the luckiest person in the world because I have not yet regretted most of my big decisions in life. (Perhaps I shouldn’t speak so soon). I believe in the power of intuition and until now, it has served me well.

What Laurier University and music therapy has brought me so far is the opportunity to examine music and its relationship to humanity more closely. It has also provided me many opportunities to play in public. Although I miss playing on the ships and playing in a jazz combo, I still get the taste of it sometimes when I play at the Ali Baba steak house on King Street.

My purpose now is to use my knowledge and talent as a musician for the good of humanity. The Music of the Spheres, the idea that the Cosmos is nothing more than vibrations in harmony with one another, is one of the oldest ones in philosophy and mysticism. The more I contemplate it, the more I recognize the truth of it. We have hardly begun to explore the possibilities of music’s higher functions. Why is it that we enjoy music so much? Why is music-making such a universal cultural phenomenon? Can we not live without it? After all, it does not seem to serve any particular evolutionary purpose. I believe there is more to it than meets the ear. I believe that music is more than entertainment; it means more than being famous and admired. Thus, my duty as a musician and human being is to discover how music can come to humanity’s aid. Music therapy is still in its infancy. The world is just beginning to consider such possibilities in the holistic framework of the health care system. There is much work to be done in this domain, and I am honored to be part of it.

In my utopian vision of the world, everyone would understand the true language of music. Music would be recognized as sacred and would be treated with caution and respect. In this world, everyone would be a musician (with or without training) and would learn the art of communicating, expressing and healing through this medium. I realize that this vision is ahead of its time and might be unrealistic, but it is a most noble pursuit. My role from now on as a music educator and music therapist will be to enlighten the world about music’s higher nature and help individuals who come across my path in need of guidance and help.

I would like to thank my parents, my grandfather, Uncle Paul, my friends, Jacques and Mathieu, my piano teachers Robert, Ian, Debbie, and Tom for all their guidance and support along my musical path. Without them, I would not be the musician and human being I am today.

Tune Your Damn Piano!

Today, I walked away from my gig. I'm a regular jazz cocktail pianist at this restaurant (which I will keep anonymous because I'm a nice guy). The reason I left was because the piano had not been tuned. Usually, I'm a very patient and understanding person. But the piano had been more than slightly out of tune before Valentine's day. A week before, people had complained about the sound of the piano. On Valentine's, the owner gave me the excuse that the piano had to be moved and the tuner could not tune it before it was moved. Ok, apology accepted. But tonight, 2 full weeks later, the piano is still dreadful. I had a beer at the bar and told the bartender I was gonna give it a shot, but I didn't like the sound of it when I played a few scales. I played one song, got up, finished my beer, I apologized to the customers for offending their ears and left.

Boy did that feel good! It was liberating. I'm only getting 75 bucks for this gig. I already felt abused. Normally, a musician would be paid at least 150 dollars for a gig like this. It's a fine dinning restaurant for Pete's sake! I've made twice as much playing at a crummy snack bar near Montreal. Tonight, the owner can keep his 75 bucks. It sure ain't worth my time and his customer's.